This week we (girls from my seminary and I) went to a soccer field to play. I was standing in the goal, protecting and the other girls from my team were on the offensive. This might sound very random but I really felt in that moment what Yosef’s legacy is, why he is the only one out of his brothers that we call Zaddik (righteous person), ultimately making me understand what the anatomy of growth and expansion in life is.
My youth was often marked by the feeling of being different and alone with my belief in and search for the spiritual force of life. That we must have boundaries and values. I wasn’t religious or practicing judaism but Dostojewskis quote “If God does not exist, anything is permissible” inspired this belief. I remember many arguments in school, specifically philosophy class, not understanding how all these morals and philosophical theory’s will provide a functional society that sets boundaries and values. I remember not understanding how the people around me smoked weed and consumed all types of things, food, the other gender, media, titles, without taking time to question why and wether it is healthy. Somewhat I was also part of it but never did I fully give in, trying to stay true to that voice within that told me how it was all rotten. Approaching these people and trying to get into conversations that promote reflection and the desire to change, to at least question oneself, I often faced being laughed at, talked badly about after or simply ignored. (Not all of my friends and experiences back then were this way – some were also very healthy and reflecting of my inner state!!)
In order to win a soccer game, you need someone to protect the goal – otherwise you will lose almost instantly. The aim is to go above that though and penetrate into other side to win! I think this can be very profound if we see this as an analogy and connect this to our own lives in a broader picture. Everyone finds themselves in uncomfortable situations sometimes, at times more often and at other times less. I am talking about situations where we feel like our boundaries are being crossed, where we feel very lonely with our thoughts and values, sometimes giving up our beliefs and values because of the pressure the environment puts on us. Like being at a party and not feeling like people are being respectful and acting in ways you normally wouldn’t if you were not in that situation. How does one handle this? The most important thing is to have a strong foundation, to not let go of what you think is right and to not bend yourself to how others want you to be in order to fit in. Staying true to yourself. This is protecting the goal, not allowing for the ball to enter – this is my space and I will keep it safe. But this is only the foundation that allows us to survive in life – what we are looking for is to thrive though ! So what we can do in these situations is to start actively questioning the people, to make them question themselves, to be that person that brings an example of what a healthy and strong person looks like, to go out and inspire people to lift themselves up, talking to them, giving advice.
All of this is Yosef’s legacy; his brothers didn’t recognize Yosef when they first came to Egypt, even though we know he looks exactly like his father Yaakov. That is because they didn’t think it was possible to remain righteous and rooted in judaism while living in Egypt, the most immoral place at that time ! Yosef shows how one can descend into the darkest places but still stay true to oneself and even exceed by spreading this light and elevating the environment he was in. This is the purpose of Exile (which can be seen as any situation we don’t feel comfortable in, where we don’t feel supported or our values being reflected) – to elevate, to transform and render new growth.
I can really see now that had I not stayed true to my values I would have not been able to survive in that environment and though I wouldn’t say i was thriving, I did try to lift up the people around me, though definitely not fully reflecting Yosefs strength and determination. I definitely understand how painful and hard it is to not be in a place that doesn’t reflect who you want to be and how you want to live. Now I learned the importance of also going above and putting in much more effort to change the people.
When I told this to my friend Chaya, she told me about how she found herself in an uncomfortable situation around people that crossed her personal boundaries. Even though it was hard, she was still outwardly standing strong to her own beliefs, regardless wether others reflected them or not. Then someone came up to her, a person she didn’t really notice or talk to, and they asked her how they could raise their children to grow up as strong and rooted in her religiosity as she is. This really shows how we can never know how big of an impact we leave on others by going against the mainsteam.
May we all be able to stay true to ourselves, never give in to peer-pressure and toxic environments that we might not be able to remove ourselves from and go above to elevate the people around us, inspire them, fulfilling our purpose, then we will surely thrive even in uncomfortable and challenging environments.
gut shabbes gut shabbes gut shabbes oyoyoyoyoyoyoooooy