This morning. I am sitting on the porch of my seminary, overlooking the mountains and forests, meditating – serenity and peace fills the air. It is quiet. Just minutes before I was walking the streets of Zfat eating a bagel; living a normal, mundane life. But this is a place where life flips from one moment to the other. Suddenly, as it always is, I hear the penetrating sound of a siren. So, calmly, I go to inside the building and enter the first shelter on that floor. As I sit in the room another girl walks in, her lips moving, whispering Tehillim, praying for everyone to be safe. It is a strange situation as we hear several explosions not far from us. One after the other. Paradoxically, I feel safe, I am not scared. Ten minutes pass and we leave the shelter, life continues it’s course as usual.
Last night. An impressive image unfolded in front of my eyes as I step onto the roof of my building. I know there had been rockets very recently but that did not prepare me for what I am about to see. The sky is coloured in bright red while thick, dark smoke is consistently moving into the firmament. I move my head and look to the right, identifying the source; several small parts of the nearby, yet distant enough forest are burning. Parts of the missiles that exploded in the air probably fell into the forest and caused the fires. The bright, consuming fire allows me to see every single branch and tree even though night has already fallen. I feel weird for saying this but the view was mesmerizing, absoloutely INSANE!!! After some time had passed I went outside, walking the streets. They were not particularly empty.. how do I describe the nature of the tension that held them? It is like the eyestalks of a snail slowly moving out of her head again after having been touched out of nowhere, making her nervous, invading her, forcing her to hide because she has been exposed to an unpredictable danger. It is not the threat of the missiles that affects me but the shift in energy; people are in fear, for their own lives and their loved ones, for their country and future. It is not easy to feel these collective emotions, now I really understand what is meant by the jewish people being one body. There was no space to heal from October 7th, but everybody had to learn how to live with it. And now, after every siren, every rocket, every boom, I can feel the soreness, it’s a new bruise every time.
I have been looking at the news almost daily, staying informed with what is happening in the country, talking to my friends in the idf, it is everywhere and the entire world knows, no matter if in israel or not – this country is in a war. I am sure most people residing in Israel during these times agree that the media make the war seem so much more intense and threatening than it is experienced in reality and everyday life. But yesterday, it finally struck me. When I saw the burning trees, smelling the smoke – what once was has now turned to ashes, that was the moment when it internally reached me. We are experiencing a war.
This really made me think. It made me think of where I am from, a random town in Germany, most of my former classmates and friends belonging to the upper middleclass, they now go to university and partying, life is a very safe and static experience; there aren’t really things that collectively disrupt the ordinary life of the german citizen. And now I am here, where houses not far from me are being blown up and people are forced to leave their homes because of the constant threat of a terror-organisation. But further than that I realize – it is bewildering and to be honest a bit petrifying – that I am their target. Obviously not just me, it is also everyone around me; but I am not a mere visitor in a country that is in a state of war – I am who Hezbollah is looking to frighten, damage, kill. Every missile that is being sent, every boom in the sky, it wouldn’t be a misfortune if it struck me because I happen to be here, it would actually make a group of people feel achievement and victory. This might seem so obvious but for me it really was not, especially as I am not an official citizen of the state of Israel. Certainly, this environment is a massive shift from what I am used to – safe and privileged Europe. And while it is not comfortable or pleasant it opened my eyes to a much broader reality. Life can be so insanely different, where words like “struggle” or “problem” get an entirely new meaning. I feel like it is so important for everyone who lives in the privileged west to realize the vanity of our problems and how one-dimensional life actually is inside this safe bubble.
I am having an inner debate wether I am delusional.. but I believe that we are truly safe. I do not feel like I am about to meet death, I am alive and the people around me certainly are too – thank g-d (!!!!!!!! <3 ur the best). It is miraculous to see how life goes on. People work, go to class, run their errands, walk the streets, meet their friends. We are not willing to give up our lives and it’s quality, we are not letting Hezbollah put restrictions to our life. I find this incredibly strong. Last week I was passing through the shuk in Jerusalem where hundreds and hundreds of people gather to enjoy themselves and the people around them. As I was pushing myself through the dancing crowds I felt how unbelievably contagious the singing and dancing was, the spirit was so high despite everything that is supposed to pull the people of Israel down. People from all ages and backgrounds came together as one. While I opened myself to this energy and fully let myself observe, the song עם ישראל חי starts buzzing in full volume, I hear every single voice, including my own, sing.
In this moment, I really felt these lyrics. The jewish nation is alive. We truly, really are.